We Reject the Mars/Venus Myth

And we’ll vote like that in November

In this week’s pod episode the hosts chat with sociologist Jessica Calarco about her new book, “Holding It Together: How Women Became America’s Safety Net.” In her book, Jessica talks about how the idea that "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” boils down to outdated thinking that men and women are fundamentally different and that it’s best for society — and for individual men and women — if each plays their “natural” role. 

Jessica calls this the Mars/Venus myth. This myth suggests that sex sorts people into neatly gendered boxes — one pink, the other blue. This establishes a hierarchy, and puts the whole pink box below the blue.

(Photo Credit: Stocksy; Frey Gordillo)

We have seen this narrative pushed heavily in the media lately. Let’s roll the tapes. 

Just this week, unearthed audio from a 2020 podcast revealed that JD Vance agreed with host Eric Weinstein when he said that raising grandchildren is “the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female.” And we certainly can’t forget about when he told Fox News host Tucker Carlson in 2021 that the US was being run by “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”

And of course, there’s Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker, who, while speaking to a stadium full of new college graduates, addressed the “ladies present today,” and told them about how his wife Isabelle abandoned her own career plans, and how “her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.”

Also, we can’t overlook PragerU, the media company posing as an academic institution, that offers short five-minute long professional and eye-catching videos made with bright animation to catch the attention of their audience of children. One video in particular caught our attention. It’s called ‘How To Embrace Your Femininity’ and gives three tips on how to do this. 

Their first tip is that men and women complement each other and create a “well-balanced family and community,” so don’t let anyone tell you it's bad to fit stereotypes. Tip two is to “smile more” because one of the most beautiful things God has created is a woman's smile. And the last tip is to respect yourself by doing things like dressing well as long as it's appropriate and doesn’t expose parts of your body that would send the wrong message about who you are. 

We wish we were making this stuff up, but unfortunately we’re not. That’s why it’s important for all of us to push back against these harmful narratives. 

In Jessica’s book, she says that recent research around sex, gender, and sexuality is clear, and it erodes the idea of a stark pink/blue binary. In reality, men and women aren’t as different as we might expect. She also says that the Mars/Venus myth emboldens men to treat the women in their lives as both the lesser and more nurturing of the two — leaving women no choice but to fill in the gaps in caregiving. And that includes caring for children and aging parents.

In essence, we need to call out men like Vance and Butker and organizations like PragerU who act like good guys, even as they’re benefitting from the exploitation of women. 

We reject the Mars/Venus myth, and we’ll vote like that in November.